I accidentally had phone sex last night
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Randomize
