she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize