thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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