shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Randomize
