I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize
