Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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