Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
