i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
