If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
