my mouth tastes like poor choices
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
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