I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I just cut my nipple shaving
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
