I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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