Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Randomize
