Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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