I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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