This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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