He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Randomize
