I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
