Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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