She went from zero to smokin in five shots
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
