just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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