i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
