and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
she pinky promised me she was 18
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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