are you still at the devil's house?
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
