i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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