Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Found your dick twin last night
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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