Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
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