dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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