Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
