Three words: puerto rican gang bang
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
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