and next time when you feel me up, do it right
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
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