I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
