she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
