and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
