My nipple is on Facebook.
dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
