9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
