don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
