She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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