Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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