just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
