Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
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