lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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