Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
