Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize