Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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