I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
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