I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
We don't watch enough power rangers
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
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