dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Randomize
