ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
