I molested 6 butterflies tonight
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Randomize
