I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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