Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Randomize
