I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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