if you like me you must not know who I am
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
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