Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
