So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
it was like his penis was on wheels.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
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