i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I miss vodka workout Fridays
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
