I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
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