wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Randomize
