you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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