i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
