I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
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