During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
My legs feel like baby dolphins
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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