the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize