Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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