I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
